i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
