Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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