dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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