And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
