Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
