Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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