Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
