Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
