Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
