hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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