i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
