Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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