remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
