i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
