I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
