Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
