Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
