ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
