how can u be prego again
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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