ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
