Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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