I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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