I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
