I want to make a zoo with you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
