I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
