Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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