That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's shark week go big or go home
I would ride that face into the sunset
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
