last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
