she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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