Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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