I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
no you cant smoke seaweed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
