im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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