Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
