Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
