What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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