You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
