i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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