no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize