We named our party play list daddy issues
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
