I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
