I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
