If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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