hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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