mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize