Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
