There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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