I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
