Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
