What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
