i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
