i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
