I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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