Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
