Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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