When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
