For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
