getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
