im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
