I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
what day is it and did you see me today?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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