Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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