My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
