I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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