You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
