I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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