I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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