I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up under a house in Key West
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
