i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
