Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
