Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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