better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
