Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
