I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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