yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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