Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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