she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
